2-9-10
SOME FUN TONIGHT
I was reading a review of a new biography of legendary 50's rocker, Little Richard. The author is especially intrigued by Little Richard's golden oldie hit, Tutti Frutti, recorded in New Orleans in 1955.
Tutti Frutti, David Kirby maintains, is “a seminal text in American culture, as much as Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Song of Myself and the great documents of the civil rights era are. In a sense, it’s America’s Other National Anthem.”
Wow! A song about butt-lovin' is "America’s Other National Anthem"??
Btw, Little Richard himself told Craig Ferguson on The Late Late Show that Tutti Frutti was about anal sex, so it's gotta be true, right?
The line, "Tutti Frutti, aw Rudi" used to be "Tutti Frutti, Loose Booty" before it was, shall we say, 'cleaned up for the radio audience.'
Btw (again) Little Richard wasn't the only 50's rocker to be talkin' the anal. What about the great Elvis Presley's Jailhouse Rock?
Number forty-seven said to number three: "You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see.
I sure would be delighted with your company, come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me."
.....and don't get me started on Great Balls Of Fire.
2-8-10
DAT HEAD 'O MINE HURTS
Good game both teams. Congrats New Orleans.
Tony Dungy was only half right. The final score wasn't that close.
Good thing the Colts rested their starters at the end of the regular season.
And how 'bout that tribute band playing all those Who classics at halftime?
Da Ain'ts ain't dat no mo......
2-5-09
KNOW YOUR ENEMY
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
Eighty percent held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, "I outlived the bitches."
2-4-10
BASH THIS, BROTHER!
Here's what former baseball player/admitted steroid cheat/amateur fight promoter Jose Canseco tweeted (324,866 followers) a couple of days ago: "I guess I may have to show Herschel Walker who the real bad Boy of the Sports industry is. If the powers that be are reading, I want in."
That would be former Heisman Trophy winning running back Herschel Walker, owner of a fifth-degree black belt in tae kwon do, whom Mr Canseco just called out.
Walker, who just won his mixed martial arts debut (see video above) responded to Canseco's cage-fight offer, "Jose wants to do this for money. My thing is, if he wants to fight me and he thinks it's going to be a circus, I will hurt him. This is not a joke, I will hurt him, because I don't do things as a joke. I don't do this as entertainment."
Maybe Canseco also doesn't realize that Herschel Walker is the kind of guy who would play college football games on Saturday and then compete in martial arts tournaments on Sunday after church, and, to this day, still performs 2,500 sit-ups and 1,500 push ups every morning.
Canseco, who claims to have earned black belts in Kung Fu and Taekwondo, lost his mixed martial arts debut in the first round against 7'2" K-1 fighter and occasional mixed martial artist Hong Man Choi as part of the "Super Hulk Tournament."
No contest. Canseco gets bashed.
2-3-10
SEXUAL VEGETABLE ABUSE
DALLAS - (FlashNews) – Every night, thousands of vegetables are abused by horny Americans.
Sex toy company Sara’s Secret is on a mission to end the abuse of innocent vegetables by sexually frustrated citizens who haven’t been introduced to the wonders of sex toys with their Stop Vegetable Abuse campaign.
Apparently, people are having alone time with their produce instead of simply buying sex toys and it’s not right.
Spokesperson Gary Krupkin says, “It’s a long, simmering problem in our society. Political correctness demands that we address vegetable abuse in all forms. Nobody wants to hurt vegetables, yet every night they are abused.”
Though cucumbers are the spokesveggie for the cause Krupkin laments that other foods, like bananas and rutabagas, are equally abused.
Their billboards and campaign ads have caused controversy in Texas, but Krupkin says it’s all worth it if it ends the pain.
2-2-10
STOP IN THE NAME OF TYLER
This thing with Steven Tyler of Aerosmith is getting pretty pathetic.
Apparently Tyler’s new manager has sent a letter to Aerosmith’s management threatening legal action if they make good on their promise to tour with a new singer. "Steven is Aerosmith, along with the others. He’s the guy the public knows. He’s the singer," says "manager" Skip Miller.
Ok, then tell your guy to shut up and get back to work. He does have a few concerts to make good on, you know. Especially a little 10th anniversary party he missed last Summer called Bone Bash X.
Besides, if Steven Tyler says they can't replace him, then Aerosmith should sue Steven Tyler for failure to perform. You know, work stoppage?
It's getting near the end, Steven. Don't make it ugly.
2-1-10
BONE-I-FIED GRAMMY WINNERS FROM LAST NIGHT'S AWARDS SHOW
Best Solo Rock Performance: Working on a Dream — Bruce Springsteen
Best Rock Album: 21st Century Breakdown — Green Day
Best Hard Rock Performance: War Machine — AC/DC
Best Rock Instrumental Performance: A Day in the Life — Jeff Beck
Best Contemporary Blues Album: Already Free — The Derek Trucks Band
Best Boxed or Special Limited Edition Package: Neil Young Archives Vol. I (1963-1972) — Gary Burden, Jenice Heo & Neil Young, art directors
Best Long Form Music Video: The Beatles Love – All Together Now — Various Artists
Best Comedy Album: A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All! — Stephen Colbert
1-29-10
TEN ACTUAL ANSWERS FROM CHILDREN'S SCIENCE EXAMS
Q: Name the four seasons?
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink?
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A: Premature death.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
1-28-10
PICK UP MY GUITAR AND PLAY
With The Who's Superbowl halftime show a little over a week away, here's what you can expect.
Pete Townsend has already announced that The Who are "kinda doing a mashup of stuff. A bit of Baba O'Riley, a bit of Pinball Wizard, a bit of the close of Tommy, a bit of Who Are You, and a bit of Won't Get Fooled Again. It works -- it's quite a saga. A lot of the stuff that we do has that kind of celebratory vibe about it -- we've always tried to make music that allows the audience to go a bit wild if they want to. Hopefully it will hit the spot."
Now we're getting word that in addition to The Who's halftime performance, their song My Generation will debut as a remix somewhere during the tv broadcast. Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas has enlisted Slash to play guitar for the remix. “I altered the lyric to fit my generation now,” Will.i.am said.
Keyword: my generation.
Following the Superbowl, the song goes on sale on iTunes, with all proceeds benefiting Haiti earthquake relief funds.
And for all the Who haters who were really hoping they'd just die before they got old, it doesn't matter. They won't get to get what they're after until the day they die.
We are hereby predicting that on Super Bowl Sunday The Who will bring it.
And they will indubitably hit the spot.
That is all.
1-27-10
I'M NOT DEAD YET!
Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones has been on the wagon for 4 straight months. At least that's what a "source" told The Sun in England recently.
"There's no guarantees that he'll stay off it - but he's doing really well so far. He has always quite enjoyed the fact that he seemed to be able to carry on drinking as much as he liked with no real negative impact on his health."
That, and there's his pal, Ronnie Wood, also of the Stones, who started drinking heavily again and eventually split from his wife of 23 years to run off with 21-year-old cocktail waitress, who Ronnie is now separated from and which probably caused the Rolling Stones 2010 tour to be postponed, for whom he seems to have genuine concern.
"He has watched Ronnie fall well and truly off the wagon last year and he doesn't like what he sees."
Actually, what happened was, when Keith fell out of that coconut tree in Fiji a while ago suffering a brain hemmorage, he finally got the picture: "It's good to be anywhere."
1-26-09
SCORPIONS FEELING THE WINDS OF CHANGE
As in, we quit.....but not right away!
German rockers, Scorpions announced on their website on Sunday that they "have reached the end of the road," and want to "end the Scorpion’s extraordinary career on a high note."
Oh, and it will take them a few years to actually say goodbye. "We finish our career with an album we consider to be one of the best we have ever recorded and with a tour that will start in our home country Germany and take us to five different continents over the next few years."
Perfect. The Scorps still have a shot at the 2011 Super Bowl halftime show.
And maybe another Bone Bash.
1-25-09
SHOOTING STAR
WESTLAKE, Ohio -- Jennifer Lyn Jackson-Thompson, a Playboy centerfold in 1989, was found dead Friday at her home.
Westlake Lt. Larry Stephens said the Coroner's Office would determine her cause of death, but noted there were no obvious signs of foul play. Police said because the 40-year-old woman had a history of drug abuse, toxicology tests would be performed.
"Her husband called us and officers found her in her trailer in Schneider's Trailer Park," said Stephens. "When someone drops dead at 40, it's unusual."
In late July 2007, she was cited for disorderly conduct while intoxicated after she and her husband caused a disturbance at their home. Police also arrested her husband, James Thompson.
In 2005, she was charged with receiving stolen property by Westlake police, but that case was dropped in Cuyahoga County Common Pleas Court when the victim failed to appear in court, court records said.
Jackson was Playboy's April 1989 Playmate of the Month where her profile noted that her 'Ambitions' included "following the golden road of success to the top and being happy." 'Turnoffs' comprised "conceited people, male chauvinists, guys with fat beer bellies who belch in your face -- YUK!" And 'Music I Jam to' would have been "Van Halen and Pink Floyd."
1-22-10
STAR WARS
A couple of blogs down the page we told you how the Conan/Leno deal would go down.
Well, it has.
NBC and Conan O’Brien and forty-gazillion lawyers concocted a joint statement yesterday about a “resolution of the issues surrounding O’Brien’s contract to host ‘The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien.’”
We we're right.
Conan O'Brien's last Tonight Show is tonight. Jay Leno's first return to The Tonight show is March 1st.
Even though Conan is embargoed from having his own show until September 1st, one can only hope that he'll be invited as a guest on the Letterman Show on March 1st.
You Can't Go Home Again
-Thomas Wolfe
1-21-10
SPIRITUAL NOT RELIGIOUS
According to a new study, if someone says that they're "spiritual, but not religious," it just means they want to get laid.
Actually they said, "it just means they're looking for a date," but you know what were sayin'.
Constantine Sedikides, a social psychologist at Southampton University in Britain, has come to the conclusion that people subconsciously paint flattering pictures of themselves by revealing they have inner spiritual beliefs to appear more attractive, especially to prospective mates.
That, or they're just massive stoners.
Are you one of them?
-George Harrison
1-20-10
RUSH IN THE HALL OF FAME!!!
It was just announced that Canadian power trio Rush will be inducted....
Oh wait. It's the Canadian Songwriters Hall of Fame.
Oh well, whatever, nevermind
-Kurt Cobain
1-19-10
PARTIAL TEMPLE, PARTIAL ECLIPSE
Last week's eclipse over the Temple of Poseidon in Athens, Greece
1-18-10
IT'S A DONE DEAL
Been a crazy week for late-night television, what with Conan O'Brien and David Letterman taking shots at Jay Leno, Leno firing back and Jimmy Kimmell going for Leno's jugular on Leno's show!
And through it all, Conan, the guy who's getting the boot for his not-so-spectacular ratings (but really because NBC made such a mess of everything), has seen his ratings rise throughout the week.
Tonight Show ratings Friday were 50 percent higher than they've been this season, and Conan even beat Letterman. In the lucrative 18-to-49-year-old demo that brings in the big bucks, CoCo even beat Leno's prime-time show.
Nonetheless, It'll soon be over. The deal is done. Jay goes back to where he was. Conan walks away with $40 million (including severance for his staff) and a no-compete clause until September, at which time we'll probably be tuning into the Fox network for our Conan string dance fix.
Bye, everybody, bye!
1-15-10
FIRST ACE BABY!
A big congrats to my son Travis, who got his first hole-in-one on a disc golf course yesterday!
The awesomenistic feat took place at De Laveaga in Santa Cruz, one of the most highly rated disc golf courses in the world, established in 1984.
Whats more, he nailed the ace on De Laveaga's signature hole,Top of the World, one of the most famous single holes in disc golf.
Awesome!!!
Top of the World is the last hole (#27) on the course, and reaches to the basket 300 feet below and 580 feet away, almost two football fields in length.
On top of that you also get the best views in all of Santa Cruz.
I don't worry 'cause I'm sittin' on top of the world
-Walter Vinson, Lonnie Chatmon (the Mississippi Sheiks), 1930
1-14-10
WE MUST HELP
Whatever you can, no matter how little, please make a donation to the relief efforts in Haiti.
Doctors Without Borders was already working on medical projects in Haiti and have treated hundreds of people injured in the quake. "The situation is chaotic," said one senior staff. "I visited five medical centers, including a major hospital, and most of them were not functioning."
Please donate money here. Now.
1-13-10
HAVE A NICE VOTE
You'd think that when a group finally gets invited to play on “Music’s Biggest Night,” The Grammys (two weeks from Sunday, CBS), they'd have picked out a song and been rehearsing it day and night.
But no.
Jon Bon Jovi and Co. have no idea what song they'll be playing that evening at the Staples Center in LA.
That's because the producers are letting Bon Jovi fans vote on which one of the band’s biggest hits they’ll perform.
Actually, they know that it will be one of six: Bed of Roses, Wanted Dead or Alive, Always, Livin’ On A Prayer, It’s My Life and Have a Nice Day.
You can vote here, then on January 24th, voting will close briefly and the six songs will be whittled down to three finalists. Interactive fan voting will then continue up until moments before Bon Jovi takes the stage.
Jon will also find out that night if his band will win an actual Grammy in the category of Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals.
In other Bon Jovi news, Bon Jovi Girl, an East Coast race horse who's been winning alot lately (five of 15 starts), just sold for $950,000 on Tuesday. In 2007, Bon Jovi Girl sold for a mere $190,000.
On a steel horse I ride.....
1-11-10
HOLY CRAP BATMAN, IS THAT REALLY YOUR NAME?
Recently an airline passenger from Singapore arrived at his destination and was asked a few questions by airport security personnel.
Customs Official - 'May I know your name?'
Passenger - 'Batman'
Customs Official - 'What's your name again?'
Passenger - 'My name is Bat-man'
Customs Official - 'Trying to be funny? What's your surname?'
Passenger - 'Super-man'
Customs Official - 'So you're telling me your name is Batman Superman?'
Passenger - 'Yes'
Customs Official - 'Sir, you are under arrest.'
When they had Batman Superman in custody, he was asked to show his identification card:
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1-8-10
IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
1-7-09
YAAA.....OUR FAVORITE BURGER JOINT MAKES THE LIST!!
Fastest Rising Searches on Google Maps for 2009
1.) mount everest
2.) laguna seca
3.) in-n-out
4.) grand canyon
5.) eiffel tower
6.) white house
7.) great wolf lodge
8.) wild animal safari
9.) voodoo doughnuts
10.) path station (port authority of ny & nj)
1-6-10
STONES JUST SAY NO
Apparently the band that just can't quit touring are going cold turkey for 2010.
You've heard the rumors that the Rolling Stones we're set to hit the road this summer without their guitarist, Ronnie Wood. That Mick and Keith met behind Woods' back to discuss giving him the heave-ho because of that little drinking problem and that 21-year-old Russian cocktail waitress girlfriend of his.
Who knows? But we can tell you that the Stones will not be touring in 2010. I mean, probably not.
The bands' statement to England's New Musical Express said, "Following recent UK media speculation, The Rolling Stones would like to make it clear there are no plans at the moment for the band to tour in 2010."
Off to the bingo parlor, fellas. We're drinkin' prune juice tonight!
1-5-10
PAGE TIGHTENS THE SCREWS
Boy, Jimmy Page must really want this Zep reunion to happen.
Now he's saying, "You'd better ask Robert Plant what the future of Led Zeppelin is. Musicians can always play together but I don't think you can go out with a band called Led Zeppelin if you haven't got the original vocalist."
It's been over 3 years since the Zeppelin reunion concert took place at the O2 Arena in London.
Despite monstrous public demand, Plant declined a $200 million offer to tour with Led Zeppelin afterward, saying that he does not want to "tour like a bunch of bored old men following the Rolling Stones around."
I think this guy is on to something.
If all you want to do is listen to all your fav Zep tracks performed live, then Led Zeppelin would be an OK cover band of themselves.
But Page is nowhere near the guitarist he was at his peak in the '70's and Plant knows his voice has nowhere near the range that it used to.
With Robert Plant's collaborations with bluegrass star Allison Krause (They did win a Grammy last year), I'm thinking that he's found a new niche with his older voice, and he seems quite happy with what he's doing.
Sorry. No Zeppelin reunion.
I think I could sing and shear a few sheep at the same time.
-Robert Plant
1-4-10
BACK ON THE UPSIDE
The New Year is always a great time for a fresh start.
And so it is for 80's-90's grunge rockers, Soundgarden.
Head 'garden dude Chris Cornell tweeted at exactly midnight on New Years Eve that, "The 12 year break is over & school is back in session" adding, "Knights of the Soundtable ride again!"
You could have guessed.
2009 quotes from Cornell included, “You never know,” "We have a lot of new fans discovering our music," and “I’ve always said nothing is impossible.”
Of course there is a slight problem with their drummer Matt Cameron, who's working with Pearl Jam nowadays. Maybe they could just borrow him for a spell then give him back when Soundgarden gets "eaten up by the business" again.
And what about my friend, styckx? He says Chris Cornell is a douchebag who's milking the 90's for what little it has left to be milked of.
Sheesh.....
Steal the rhythm while you can.
-Chris Cornell, 1994
12-31-09
I'M NOT OLD, I'M CLASSIC
I can't believe I've been at this for 38 freakin' years!
Must have been a huge portion of luck involved.
Like when I got hired at my first radio station, KLRB Carmel-By-The Sea(Weed).
Apparently nobody wanted to work the overnight shift on New Years Eve. (You have to start at midnight for crying out loud!)
At great sacrifice, I volunteered.
Minimum wage, $1.60 an hour.
Crazy, but there was no music format in those days. You'd get to play whatever you wanted. It was Free-Form FM Radio, baby.....two turntables and a microphone!
To make a long stony, I mean story, short, I raced the 60 miles to Carmel in my trusty 1960 Corvair on New Years Eve 1971. Upon my arrival I proceeded to play all six sides of George Harrison's just released The Concert for Bangladesh album.
One vinyl side after another after another after another.
Hey, stuff like that worked once upon a time.
The picture of me holding the latest John Kay (Steppenwolf) album was taken in 1978.
Btw, I'm wearing that very same hippie-artifact belt right now on the Bone.
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